parktrotter

I think, actually, that’s supposed to be Soarin’ Over California, but I refuse to cooperate. Once inside the ride, they seat you in one of six rows of—well, it’s hard to describe. A row of theater seats with seatbelts, essentially. After the employees are done yelling, the machinery picks up your row and all the others and suspends it in front of an IMAX-like theater screen, which then shows famous locales around California (the Golden Gate Bridge, Lake Tahoe, and so on) while swinging the seats around in a way that does make it feel as if you are flying. Try to get in the first row as you enter, so that your view is not blocked by feet dangling from the row above.

They blow wind in your face, and artificial scent that I actually wish they would drop: the “tree” aroma just smells like an air freshener you would put in your bathroom. Anyone who has actually been in a forest would not be fooled—and, come to think of it, probably nearly all the people in a place like this have never been in a forest, except to drive through one. The people at a place like this are like the people in the film WALL-E. They’re pretty round.

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